Teens and tweens have been posting videos on youtube asking the internet world to tell them if they are ugly or pretty. Here is BeautifulAndProud's video entitled "Am I Ugly?" In the description all she wrote was "Am I?"
Remember When...
I wasn't sure how exactly to start this post without sounding too much like the article, or without asking people to stop posting negative comments and encouraging these kids to keep believing negative things about themselves.
I think we need to look past the videos themselves and look at the root of the issue. Young girls and boys don't understand what it means to be beautiful. Right now most of the people reading my blog are in upper year university, so we've kind of lost touch with our end of elementary/high school selves. There was SO much pressure from our peers to look and act a certain way. We added to that by having our own personal beliefs of what a 'perfect' person was like. For me, how I thought I looked was a huge source of stress! I'm sure many of you could relate.
No one is going to get through to these kids by telling them to take down their videos, by posting comments saying they're pretty/ugly... How can we connect with these kids? There came a time when we all realized that our looks didn't directly influence the outcome of our lives.
So, I think we should start sharing stories from when we were in high school. Maybe, just maybe, one of these kids will come across these and realize that it's your inner beauty that shines outwards to people, not what you look like.
Comment!
PLEASE reply back to this one. Tell us a story about someone noticing your beauty (hey, you can reply anonymously), write a poem, short story, or post a drawing, post some encouraging words, anything that you would have appreciated as a teen. And you can read my story in the comments!
Stay Beautiful,
Lisa
Here's my story:
ReplyDeleteIn high school I wasn't part of the "cool kids" but I had a solid group of friends. Outside of school I was part of a youth theatre group where I really fit in and got along easily with people. In school I was kinda nerdy, I loved drama, and was really good at math. I would have DIE HARD crushes (ya, you know what I mean) but I never really thought that people would feel that way about me because I didn't think I was pretty. It wasn't until grade 12 when I had become close friends with this guy that he told me that in grade 10 he had a crush on me... It kinda blew my mind... I had all of these feelings for other people and just assumed they were never aimed at me. I mean, I was the girl who expressed herself through her clothing (pretty sure I wore a tutu on multiple occasions). I didn't realize at the time that people were also looking at what was underneath.
I know people tell you this all the time. I know you don't believe it. But here's one story to prove it's true.
My story:
ReplyDeleteIn high school. I was awkward around girls. I could talk to them as friends, certainly but anything beyond that was hopeless. I attribute this to my upbringing: a combination of an overally idealistic mother and the complete absence of a male role model.
I too wasn't part of the elite cliques but I also had a solid group of friends and we were all somewhat muscially inclined. That being said I was universally known and well liked at my school.
I had my "am I ugly" phase earlier in my school experience. By the mid-point of high school, I was fairly involved in my church and didn't give dating much of a second thought.
I had crushes sure but as I said my upbringing mixed with my experiences in the church basically had me in a state of arrested development in that social avenue. I chalked up my singleness to a lack of interest from the ladies.
Fast forward ten years (I'm old) and apparently I could have had (not in that way) my pick of the girls around. Apparantly kindness, a sense of humour and a few smarts played out well with whatever physical features I was (or wasn't) bringing to the dance.
However, I don't think it affected me negatively come to think of it. All of my relationships ended up developing out of the friendship skills I developed, including the girl I married who is beautiful inside and out.
Don't worry, I still get that look like a deer in headlights if a girl I don't know appoaches me or starts flirting out of the blue... and I'm sure my wife appreciates that.
I wish I had the guts to be who I wanted to be in high school. Instead, I was who I thought my friends wanted me to be. It wasn't until university I started to think for myself, and be myself. I've always been an admirer of fashion, however I always thought that I should stick to what everyone else around me is wearing. It actually wasn't until recently, teacher's college, that I decided not to give a f*** anymore. I love the group of people I have found in teacher's college and truly feel like myself with them, more than with my best friends from home. It may not seem like it to those who know me, but I am really self-conscience and always looking for attention and compliments. But now I wear my furry vest, purple pants, and snakeskin print jeggings with pride! (clearly not all in the same outfit though, lol)
ReplyDeleteConfidence and loving yourself is the most important thing.
I would love to meet the person who says "I WASN'T awkward in high school! I never felt like I didn't fit in or wasn't cool or had no friends! I was really, really, ridiculously good looking!" And then.....I would punch that person in the face. Because they are lying, and nobody likes a liar.
ReplyDeleteI was lucky because I went to a Catholic school and wore a uniform (trust me, that's lucky). Nobody could judge you because of what you wore... so they just judged you for other things. Like your looks. And not-so-lucky for me, I was never comfortable with the way I looked. Maybe it was the braces until grade 11, or the glasses that I refused to wear because I would rather squint at the board to take notes (and we know that is so much more attractive) or the fact that I didn't know what a flat-iron was and couldn't seem to control the lion's mane that was my hair. Most likely, it was a combination of all these things. And the crippling insecurity that I would never grow out of this awkward phase. EVER.
I'd like to say that I got better in university, and maybe I did...a bit. I lost the braces, got contacts and finally figured out how to get my hair to behave itself (kind of like the Anne Hathaway transformation in the Princess Diaries...minus the royalty part. Unless I really was abandoned by my real parents, who are coming back to claim me any day now, I'm sure of it!)
Where was I? Oh yes, still awkward in undergrad. I like to think I'm less awkward now(though its probably not true). But my point is this: there are as many kinds of "beautiful" as there are people. What you think is beautiful may differ from what I think. And that's okay. Because there's a kind of beauty in the relativity of it all.
You don't have to agree with me, although you probably should...unless you enjoy getting punched in the face, of course.
When I was in elementary school, I was teased mercilessly about being overweight and unattractive. Naturally these feelings and things that I had come to understand as truth carried into high school. The beginning of high school was rocky and as I gained more friends i felt more confident as who I was as a person. Moving on into university I was still very self conscious about looks and appearances and to be totally honest I still am! But now that I've grown up more, I've met the man of my dreams who makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. This is not to say that you need someone else - a partner etc - to make you feel beautiful. The point of my story is, is that you need to be yourself and the beauty inside will shine through, and make you, no matter what you look like, the most beautiful person possible.
ReplyDelete